Solitude

Carolyn and I walked out of 29 Central Street at four o’clock this morning to go for a week’s vacation in Florida to begin my six-month sabbatical. (Thank you, Iris, for the ride to the airport! You are a dear!) Walking through the airport Carolyn asked me how it felt not to have to “go to work” for the next six months. That had not really sunk in for me, frankly. Not yet anyway. I’m still thinking about all the last minute projects yesterday – and the things I didn’t get to. I do wonder if I’ll get beyond those kinds of thoughts. Six months should be long enough to get some distance on the relentless activity of ministry in a busy parish. We’ll see.

We settled in on the plane and I pulled out my first bit of reading – Thomas Merton’s Thoughts in Solitude. Didn’t take but the first few pages for me to begin to settle down, take a big deep breath, and begin to feel the enormous potential in this time apart. He starts out:

There is no greater disaster in the spiritual life than to be immersed in unreality, for life is maintained and nourished in us by our vital relation with realities outside and above us. When our life feeds on unreality, it must starve. It must therefore die. There is no greater misery than to mistake this fruitless death for the true, fruitful and sacrificial “death” by which we enter into life.

I’m hooked. I read it over four or five times. What is the “unreality” I have been feeding on? Activity itself? Ambition? Desire to please others? The “standing and praying in the synagogues and at the street corners so that they may be seen by others” of Ash Wednesday’s gospel (Matthew 6:1-6, 16-21)? Could that be me?

Sabbatical is a time to go into my closet, shut the door, and “pray to my Father who sees in secret” – the place where the “vital relation with realities outside and above us” that Merton refers to must happen. Stepping apart and gaining a different perspective on the routines to which I have become habituated should help.

I have a hunch that the things that leave me exhausted and spent are part of the “unreality” – and that the things that lead to joy and contentment and peace are more consistent with the reality. Ah yes! – “finding and sharing my joy in life and ministry” – the theme I chose for my sabbatical months ago. I do hope to pay attention to all of this in the coming months.

Before I get too serious, however, I should remember that we came here to have some fun! And we do intend to do that. Red Sox tomorrow – two games! Northeastern University in the afternoon, and Cincinnati Reds in the evening.

Go Sox!